I feel like the life I had before the war was all made up

“I don’t think God is intended for people in the late 20s to live with their parents,” says Hania Alamal.

She hangs out on the balcony of a small apartment in which she lives with his mother, father and five adult siblings – because it is the only place that can get peace and quiet.

Two years ago, 28-year-old Hania worked as an English teacher and lived in her straight place. It is reported at the Faculty in the United States to make a master in international development and a scholarship course for it. Things went well – but life is different now.

Like most days, the week starts morning coffee on the balcony, while Hunja looks at her neighbor, a man in his 70s, carefully striving for plants, seedlings and plants in his garden, just across from the smoked building.

“It just looks like the purest form of resistance,” says Hania. “In the middle of all this horror and insecurity, it’s still time to grow something – and something is absolutely nice about it.”

Hania lives in Deir Al-Balah, in the city in the middle of Gaza, and a 25-mile extending on the southeast corner of the Mediterranean Sea, which was a war zone from October 2023. years. She has He recorded an audio diary that shared with a BBC for the radio documentary film about which life is there.

The school in which she taught she had to close when the war began. Hania became a teacher without a student and no school, her sense she slipped through her fingers.

“It is very difficult to find a purpose at this point, finding some kind of solace or meaning that your whole world breaks down.”

Apartment Hania shares with his family is her fifth home since the beginning of the war. The UN Assessments 90% of Gazen have been displaced by war – many more times. Most Gazanus now lives in temporary shelters.

Hania is on Monday, in bed at 2am.

“There was an explosion really close to that, then followed a second, and a third,” she says, “It was so loud and very scary. I tried to die to sleep.”

The Israeli government says that his military action in Gaza is intended to destroy Hamas Ability, which is described as an Islamist resistance movement. The terrorist organization by Great Britain, the United States, Israel and others is signified.

The military action of Israel began after the Palestinian groups from Gaza, which stated Hamas attacked Israel 7. October 2023, killing about 1,200 people, most civilians and take 251 hostages.

So far, the Israeli army killed more than 56,000 people in the conflict – majority civilians – according to Gazi’s Ministry of Health, which is managed by Hamas. Israel currently does not allow international journalists to report freely from Gaza.

Hania works on the organization of aid called the action of humanity and spends the day at one of its projects. The group of girls carrying white T-shirts and keffiiehs related to the waist is performing dance, and then participate in group therapy.

One talks about what it means to lose home, others talk about the loss of their things, their friends, someone they love. And then someone suddenly starts crying and everyone else is silent. The teaching assistant takes a girl to comfort her private.

“And then someone tells me that she lost both parents,” says Hania.

Hania looked at five colorful dragons on the sky, how to fall in the sky.

“I love dragons – they are like an active act of hope,” she says. “Every dragon is a few children down, trying to have a normal childhood in the middle of all this.”

See dragons flying makes a nice change to slotted, nozzles and “Hania murder machines is used to see above her apartment, she says. But later that evening, the “Night Orchestra” of the nearby coal, which is closer to the non-combat terrains. It describes the sound that make as “psychological torture”.

“Sometimes they are so loud you can’t even listen to your thoughts,” she says. “They’re a reminder that they look there, waiting, ready to get into.”

On Thursday morning, Hania hears a loud, consistent shooting and wonder what could be. Maybe theft. Maybe a war in the lawn between families. Maybe someone defends the warehouse.

Spends most days in bed. She feels dizzy every time she tried to get up and postpone this effect of the Eid Al-Adha’s accident, when she is already very malnourished.

Hania says the lack of control over what is eating – and the rest of her life – has a great psychological impact.

“You can’t control anything – not even your thoughts, not even your well-being, not even who you are,” she says. “It took me a while to accept the fact that I’m no longer a person I identify as.”

The school in which Hania used to be taught was destroyed, and the idea of ​​studying abroad now seems very distant.

“I felt like I went out,” Hania says, “Like all these things were assembled. Like nothing of it was true.”

The next morning, Hania woke up the sound to choke birds and call for prayer.

It is the first day of Eid Al-Ada, when her father usually sacrifices sheep and would share meat with needy and relatives. But her family has no means to travel now and in any case there is no animal.

“All Gaza population did not eat any type of protein, out of the canned fave bean, for three months,” she says.

Hanii’s family discovered that one of her relatives were killed while trying to get help.

“To be honest, I didn’t know him well,” she says, but it’s a general tragedy of someone hungry, looking for food and shooting in the process that is quite grotesque. “

There were multiple incidents of recording and hundreds of death registered in or near the distribution of help in the last weeks. The circumstances are controversial and severely verified without being free to report in Gaza.

Hania knows at least 10 people who lost their lives during the war. This number includes several of its students and a colleague who hired a month before the beginning of the war. She was the same year as Hania and shared her ambition.

Hania updates its CV to remove the name of Professor College. He was her judge and wrote a mentor – but he was still dead now.

“It’s a huge thing when someone tells you to see you, to believe in you and are betting on you,” she says.

Hania doesn’t think she’s properly grieving for any of these people and says she feels she has to delete her emotions in case any of her close family be injured.

“Mourning is a luxury that many of us can’t afford.”

The blood dick signify the beginning of the second new day, and Hania takes a beautiful pink and blue dawn from the balcony. He says she developed a habit of looking at the sky as a run.

“It is very difficult to find beauty in Gaza in Gaza. Everything is gray or covered with soot or destroyed,” says Hania.

“One thing in heaven is to give you colors and take the beauty to miss the country.”